Where to begin???

When I go quiet it's usually for one of three reasons. 1) I'm so busy that I barely get to look at my email, let alone write a blog post. 2) I'm learning life lessons faster than I can write about them. 3) There's stuff going on that's not for public discussion.

These past few weeks, it's been "all of the above."

Odd as it sounds, I'm particularly grateful for my car. I've been spending a lot of time just driving, often with no particular destination, and great gas mileage, horsepower and sport suspension make it much more enjoyable. In my quest to extend drive time, I've done a lot of "memory lane" as I've visited regions where I spent childhood days. It's been bittersweet, particularly because for the first time in many, many years, I now believe that my future is here in Oregon.

Yes, that's right. We're 99.9% sure that our plans to relocate to the East Coast have fallen flat. I won't go into all the details except to say that the process was worse than the conclusion. I feel like I should be more upset about this disruption to nearly 10 years of planning. So many sacrifices for something that didn't happen. But I'm okay. The journey was important in itself. There are some regrets but beyond that, I'm grateful. I'm grateful because we would have missed some amazing moments if we hadn't been traveling in this direction. We're coming at "Plan B" from a very different place now.

Dreams change. I'm learning that that's okay. More than that, they have a way of coming full circle. Twenty years from now may be a very different story. Experience has a way of not being wasted.

Other news...BrotherCat just got himself quite the challenge coin. He won't be buying the drinks too often. I'm proud, of course. A little annoyed, too, just because he has so obviously found his niche when I'm still fighting for mine. Aforementioned peace with "Plan B" isn't without some sighing. But Hooyah BrotherCat!

I have an idea about what I want to pursue in the next few years, but the training is harder to attain than I realized. There's a specific class I want to teach, but I have yet to find local instructor training. Thus the problems moves from "find a babysitter" to several nights away, and that's if the West Coast location offers the class again soon. It appears I'm not eligible for the online training, so I'm going to have to keep watching the schedule for an opportunity when I could actually travel.

Pascha... we Orthodox just celebrated our Easter this past weekend. I missed a lot of it (but huge thanks to those who made the bit I got possible!) and so while it was still a wonderful celebration, I've been feeling very much like an exile. It might be hard to understand if you only attend a Friday and Sunday service for Easter...we have 2 on Thursday, 2 on Friday, 2 on Saturday (crossing into Sunday) and then another Sunday afternoon. It's a lifeline in relationship with God and relationship with others. Missing so much of it this year feels a bit like hiking in high altitude where you just know that something vital is missing. That said, the internal battles I fought last weekend have made me stronger. And I've had several people promise to make next year different.

I owe emails to a lot of you as well, so I'll close this for now. Stay strong...if I've learned anything these past few weeks it's that we're stronger than we realize. I'll leave you with the words of my recent fortune cookie:

"If at first you succeed, try something harder."

Whistle Blowers Threatened on Benghazi

I have only a few things to say about the terror attack at the Boston Marathon. Tragedy...atrocity...heroes...I think we know that stuff already. I don't want to be redundant.

First successful attack at home since 9/11? Umm...not really. I recognize the distinction between this indiscriminate attack on civilians and the Ft. Hood shooting. Yet I fear that's only academic from the view of Al Qaeda or similar groups. Still, since a growing percentage of Americans have no affinity to the military, I recognize that a civilian attack has a different psychological impact.

The death toll... Given the crowd, I'm stunned by the low numbers. Don't get me wrong; it was still a horrific attack, and inflicting severe injuries on a group of athletes is beyond sadistic. But much credit goes to both guardian angels and first responders for the low death to injury ratio.

Domestic IEDs... We've known about this threat for years, and several plots have been foiled. I was talking to someone yesterday who said that she was going to stop going to large public events. I've seen similar statements on the news. I'm underwhelmed. I recognize that the sheep don't want to spend their time looking at the threats...but the shock seems a bit naive. The only reason I might have additional security concerns now is that a successful attack emboldens terrorists and copycats. I'll be more cautious about where I take my son, and I'll probably be more vigilant about having a first aid kit along. Beyond that...no change. Because I was already watching the wolves.

Speaking of wolves, Laughing Wolf has a good piece up with general security suggestions. You might know most of it already, but it's a good refresher: http://laughingwolf.net/?p=516

The Legend of Chris Kyle

Bin Laden Raid Member Can Be WikiLeaks Witness

Go get 'em!

Tough day today, on all kinds of fronts.

We wish that doing the right thing was easy, or at least, would come naturally. Then a bad day hits and it seems that every decision is a struggle to do what's right. To make it more difficult, there are right actions with wrong motives. And sometimes we're just so tired, and something slips without us realizing it. These are the days we need our friends, our team.

One of my current projects discusses the concept of a chain of failure. Sometimes one mistake is disastrous, but more often, disaster comes from a long line of smaller issues. Surrounding yourself with wise, experienced people stops failure from going unnoticed.

About a week ago I got in a big argument over something I saw as a great opportunity. While the other person misunderstood on some levels, they were shocked at my suggestion and challenged me on it. It was particularly jarring because it was in an area of personal expertise. Once I calmed down, though, I realized that they were mostly right about the problem. Now I can't believe what I was thinking...except I know exactly where it came from. It came from fatigue, from having chief responsibility for a really long time.

I've done a lot in my life alone, and all too often I've gone unchallenged because I've surrounded myself with those who are a step behind me. I'm grateful to say that this has changed. Not in every arena of life, because there are plenty of people who need help. But I choose to take the ego hit of associating with people who are stronger than I am in various areas. I've learned humility the hard way, with mistake after mistake and regular reminders that I still have a long way to go. But I'd rather live with accountability and have hope of becoming great, rather than have an unchallenged false belief. In short, we learn more from examining our lives in light of heroes than by looking for pats on the head.

The Economist has a great editorial up regarding North Korea: Korean Roulette

Asian politics have never been my field, but some of you may recall a comment I made at the time of Kim Jong-un's succession: "He looks terrified." That impression has remained, and was on my mind when I read,

"Whereas Kim Jong Il was practised in the calibrated calculation of shaking down the outside world, his callow son has escalated tensions wildly. Nobody knows how to walk him back from the brink.

Doing so depends partly on Mr Kim’s motives. Perhaps aggression is a rite of passage to prove his leadership credentials to the country’s ancient generals. Perhaps he will shrewdly claim he has seen off the imperialist threat and back down. Perhaps he gets a thrill from orchestrating the chaos—as if he were playing a video game. Or, most worrying, perhaps he is out of his depth and therefore more prone to miscalculation."

Rite of passage? Yes. Shrewd claims? Somehow I doubt it. Thrill from orchestrating chaos? Yes. Out of his depth? YES. He's 30 years old, not even old enough to be elected president in the USA. He's a child of privilege and is proving nothing but his disregard for the lives of his citizens. The most charitable explanation I can see is that he's being led by one or more hard-line generals. One other thing occurs to me as I write that: inciting Kim Jong-un to reckless threats and action could be the first in a chain of steps leading to a coup.

I'm still trying to get my head around China's relations with North Korea. (If someone who has studied this wants to chime in, that would be fantastic.) My initial read of the situation is that China is playing both sides (US and N. Korea) and we're letting them get away with it. One could argue that we ignore China's bad behavior because of their military might; one could also argue that we don't want to give up their cheap manufacturing.

Everyone yowls about our dependence upon "foreign oil," but what about foreign manufacturing? Bringing back American manufacturing may be one of the best strategies out there, but it's unlikely to happen because it's too long-term for political rewards.

In short, I'm worried less about the young potentate, and more about his allies.

Remember laughing about this? Video: Guess Who Got Bin Laden?

Well, according to SOFREP, the video got the personality of "The Shooter" just about right. Problem is, the guy who did the interviews wasn't the real shooter.

Research Ties Gulf War Illness to Brain Damage