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Wednesday, October 17 2018 @ 04:53 am PDT

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The Body Keeps Score

The PTSD DiariesAn expert in psychotherapy once told me that, "the body keeps score." I'm finding that particularly true right now. I haven't wanted to worry anyone, but the truth of the matter is, I'm still sick. Every time I think I'm getting over this thing, symptoms pop up again. I stayed home from church yesterday to get some extra sleep in hopes of really kicking this thing, and I got the vitamin shot that usually helps me out. I started feeling a lot better... until I got food poisoning and a nasty bump on the head in the process. Now I'm back to that hit-by-a-train feeling.

But a big part of the problem, I suspect, is a couple of difficult anniversaries that are in this time frame. According to the experts, I don't have to be thinking about the events for their anniversary to impact me. I can think of four nasty events that happened in a week and a half window of this time in January. Four different years... is it any wonder that my body goes into a general state of alarm in January?

I will say that the most recent event had a certain amount of vindication in it; I fought back and won. But it came at a horrible cost. Until then, I'd believed that the dangers of the past had stayed in the past. That January, I realized that I'll probably be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life...