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Friday, May 25 2018 @ 03:45 am PDT

You're Better At This Than You Think

General NewsMuch of today was great. Probably the best part was conspiring with my best friend for various plans for our upcoming getaway (generously funded by our long-suffering husbands.) Second-best was getting someone to watch to WatchKitten for a bit so I could take care of various bits of business.

But as usual, there was too much to do in the time allotted, and I quickly transitioned from happy future vacationer to dangerously close to yelling at my child, the babysitter, the felines and anyone else who crossed my path. And I don't yell. If I slam a door people pull out the binoculars to see how far back it was that they crossed the line. Granted, chasing a toddler has shortened my fuse a bit, but that's only because it's been lit so many times. But back to this evening...

I had a situation. A safety issue in the house, requiring a very simple fix. Except I forgot that nothing is ever simple to fix in this house. And by the time I remembered that, scheduling flukes meant that the dwindling list of available helpful people was now comprised of people who would have to get out of bed and/or be paid exorbitant amounts of money to fix this idiotic problem. And while I can put up with a lot, I'm pretty sure that the WatchKitten would not sleep with the alarm squawking every 30 seconds.

Deep breath. Check my work. Squawk. Stare at it and pray. Squawk. Ask my favorite macho saint for help and try again. Squawk. Meanwhile the toddler is fussing, the kitties are yowling and the babysitter needs to be driven home. But I'm certainly not going to let go of my one helper until this is fixed. I take a deep breath and force myself to read all of the fine print on the panel. "May take 7-10 minutes for circuit to reset."

I'm not sure whether I feel like more or less of an idiot. There was absolutely nothing wrong with my work. Had I left it alone, the squawking would have resolved itself a half hour before. Why didn't I trust that I'd done it right?

I'll leave that hanging out there, because I know I'm not the only one. I know many brilliant people who second-guess themselves the instant something goes wrong. It's not an easy habit to shake; I know my triggers but I still do it. How much worse is it if you don't know the roots of your self-doubt?

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